Short story long, I haven't been taking care of my self, trying my damnest to punish it for my self imposed faults, foibles and failings. I mean no matter how I try to justify it, smoking weed with COPD is seriously stupid. I've watched most of my family die from COPD, I know what awaits me, but to try to hurry that? Not to mention my drinking,,,,Wine, beer and spirits are wonderful things in moderation, but I haven't been moderating. Drinking alcohol to lose time, is lazy, cowardly and fucking expensive. Not quite as expensive as 11 days in the hospital, but money better spent on needful things.
Having been close to death has hopefully somehow changed me in a fundamental way. I know my mind is clearer..I'm writing this blog entry after a lapse of a pair of years...the miasma of depression is lifting and I feel a smile radiating once more. There is hope once again at Camp Massawomee.
